Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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