The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
