so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
