you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
