I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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