Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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