Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
