Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
