You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
