Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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