I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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