I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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