He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
