WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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