I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
