i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
