I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How does one acquire holy water?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
