it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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