It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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