Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I need help removing her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
