the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ttyl tear gas
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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