Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
