I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
