im drinking this country out of the recession.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
