I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
