And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
