i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
