I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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