Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
