Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
