I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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