the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
