Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
