i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
