yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
