I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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