If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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