"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
