and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
