I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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