I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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