you guys were way drunker than both of me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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