PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
