I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
