I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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