I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
