wakey wakey hands off snakey
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
