We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
