I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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