walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
