we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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