Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
