If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
