if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
