My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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