yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
